dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
