Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
