Can i not drive my cunt home
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
