We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
