just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
