His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
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