I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
