when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
