I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
