Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
