Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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