thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
