I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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