There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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