Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
