I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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