Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
