Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
