were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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