You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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