Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
