Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
