Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Sober January is a disaster.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
