her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
