if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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