I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
