The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Do vagina's smell?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
