He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
