It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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