can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
