I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
