I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
