Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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