So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
