Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize