I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
