Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
