Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
