Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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