the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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