Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
