I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
