OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
