he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
