I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
