I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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