It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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