That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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