Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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