Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
