If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
