So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
