its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You ruined the universe
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
