My sheets look like a crime scene.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
