We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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