Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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