I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
