First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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