My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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