how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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