That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
