***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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