i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
