Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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