i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
