Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
