I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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