I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
