a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
