he wants to bone in the snuggie
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize