I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
