she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
