I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
