rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
