found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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