Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
babies were throwing up all over the place
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
