Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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