The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
