i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
