I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize