im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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