I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
