What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
