My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i think my cat just said my name.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
