Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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