Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
